Not depressed..

just sad..

and conflicted..

I was so excited to come back to Tallahassee and have another great semester, but it seems like those are few and far between (especially since my happiness was apparently at the expense of someone else’s). Honestly…I can’t properly explain to anyone what’s really going on in my head…I, myself don’t even know…all I do know is that I miss having him to go to…and when he says he misses me, I want to run to him and just be with him for as long as possible.

I don’t know what this is…but I don’t like it. I think I’d prefer to be a stone cold bitch, then to have all of this dramatic bullshit going on. Life is easier when you don’t have a heart (in the romantic sense of course). I’ve already been through some pretty dark heartache in the past, and I never EVER want to get anywhere near there ever again..so why must this shit be looming over my head the very first WEEK back to Tallahassee. Wow..

And to think…the first two days of school, all I wanted to do was write about my excitement for new beginnings, future plans, making new friends, etc…and now…when I finally sit down to write, this is what comes up. Fuck this. You know…I pride myself on being “strong”, but sometimes I could swear I was pretending.

I could take these thoughts a lot of places…there’s a lot more I need to say concerning other things related and unrelated to this, but I’ll leave it here so that this thought can be it’s own.